Back to School … again

Here in Columbia, Missouri, public school enrollees have been out of a school building longer than they have been in one in the past year. Is that a true fact? I’m not sure. Yet, as a mom of three school-aged children, it sure does seem like that. 

Until April 5, 2021. 

That’s right, fellow parents, guardians, grandparents, daycare providers, work-from-home folks…we get to relive another “first day of school” all over again! Yawn. It’s been quite a year as a parent, hasn’t it? 

I’ve got a mixed bag of emotions coming from my kids about the return-to-school. My middle-schooler is excited to not be home alone most days and actually meet some other humans in 6th grade. My fourth-grader has realized she’s not a Zoom learner, so one more day in school means more individualized attention while learning her multiplication facts. My first-grader cried when she heard the news because “I don’t get to sleep in on Wednesday anymore!” 

Needless to say, emotions are all over the board, and I suspect that will be the case for months to come. Thanks, COVID. 

So, how do we help our kids (and ourselves) during this next transition? (Goshhhh…will the transitions ever end?!) I’m no parenting expert, yet, the mental health conversation is open and alive in our home. I’ve found that – really – transparency and openness with my kids is paramount to other “strategies.” 

1. Ask your kids how they’re feeling about the return to the classroom and/or volunteer your experience with it. Some prompts:
   • How are you feeling about going back to school 5 days a week? 
   • Are you feeling nervous or scared about being in school every day? 
   • Gosh, it might be hard to get up early everyday after not having to do that this year! How can I help you? 
   • Going back to school every day will be a change for all of us! I want you to know I care about you and will do what I can to help us make the transition. 
   • Hey, if there is anything that happens today that makes you feel uncomfortable, I would love to hear about it. I’ll do my best to listen to you. 
   • I hear that you are both excited AND nervous! I am, too! We’re in this together. 

2. Limit after-school and evening technology. Yeah, I know. This one is like pulling off a Band-Aid that has been stuck on your arm for over a year. Kids have a hard time identifying and processing their emotions, especially “overwhelmed,” and technology can bring a false sense of relaxation/de-stressing.  Unfortunately, going straight into Educational Minecraft after a full day of human interaction, learning, and mask-wearing, may exasperate symptoms of tiredness and depression in kids. No need to take drastic measures; my encouragement to you is just watch and learn. You are the expert on your own child/ren. You will know what is best for them and your family. 

3.  Ask for help. Sometimes we, as caregivers, need help, too. Do you ever look at your kid and say to yourself, “Who are you?!” Me, too. Especially when they are struggling; it’s hard to not feel guilty about or defensive of our parenting. We love our kids and are trying our best to help them succeed educationally, emotionally, and socially. And sometimes we need another person to come alongside us and carry some of the burden. I am such a proponent of asking other, trusted adults to speak into my kids’ lives. I want my kids to know I care enough to get them the help they need, even if that help is not me. Who’s in your circle you might ask to be another “you” for your child/ren? 

If you have a teenager or emerging adult, I just want to put this out there: the transition back to middle and high school after a year of at-home learning and endless U-turns may cause anxiety for your child in ways yet unseen. Sometimes anxiety and depression in teens shows up as tears and increased isolation. Sometimes, it looks like outbursts of anger. This year, it has looked a lot like endless hours on TikTok and Snapchat, as our teens are desperate for social connection.  

As a counselor, my primary clients are adults. As a parent, I am forever grateful to all the teachers and counselors who work with children and teens. I couldn’t do it. Because of this, my kids know they have an open invitation to see a counselor if/when they/we decide it’s the next, best step for them.

Do you think your teen or college student needs another “you?” I want to introduce you to Bethany Nunnelly. Bethany is interested and skilled in walking alongside teens and young adults as they navigate decisions and transitions, friendships and silent struggles. She cares about you, the parent, and is dedicated to strengthening your relationship with your kids. As we get ready to send our kids back to school full-time, please reach out to Bethany for support for your child/ren. She is at the top of my list of trusted adults to be a voice in my kids’ heads.

Written by Lauren Eisleben