Acorns and Alcohol

If you’ve been a reader for at least a year or so, you know I frequently talk about connections I make between nature and counseling or outdoor projects and counseling…maybe the common denominator here is counseling…

I’ve long been a fan of using my time doing yard work as a way to reflect on my own inner growth process. Weeding, especially, has taught me so much about life. This weekend, I was again reminded of this, yet, from a new perspective.

Here’s the picture to tuck away in your mind as you continue reading:

I thought this was a weed, until an acquaintance pointed out, “That’s an oak tree!” Oops. My less-than-green-thumb shone through in that moment. However, thankful to have been corrected before I wrote an entire blog about a weed, my mind kept making connections. Then, not two hours later, I was listening to What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry when I heard this line, “If we want to understand the oak, it’s back to the acorn.” Wow.

As I continued to pluck baby oak tree-weeds out of the ground, I was reminded about the work I’ve been doing recently in regard to substance use treatment. (Welcome to the inner musings of my mind). Most people who come to see me in order to decrease or stop their substance use are in quite a predicament: they want to stop for various reasons, but then again, stopping something that really serves a purpose is just no fun.

The loved ones watching the process are also in their own predicament. Watching someone so special to you, struggle so much, is painful – even physically painful, at times. You’re looking at that pesky leaf, amidst all that lush grass, saying to yourself, “Just pull it out! It’s not that hard!” And in response, your person is saying back to you, “You have no idea how deep the acorn is under that leaf.”

The baby oak tree-weeds had me stumped (no pun intended). They weren’t like other weeds I was working with. There was a specific rhythm and strength I had to use to get them out of the ground in one piece, and the key was “slow and strong and steady.” So is the case with supporting a loved one along their journey to stop using drugs and alcohol.

The leaf is just what you see. What is underneath, causing the leaf to grow, is often in a safe, cool, dark place. That’s where the strength comes from. So when we say to our family member, “Just cut off that leaf — just stop going to the bar, don’t buy the next bag…” we’re talking about the leaf. The real struggle that we often don’t see or understand is buried in the soil.
Rip too fast, and all that comes off is the leaf. Sometimes we like that! We like to see the problem disappear. We like to have our person back! But, just like the oak tree, if the acorn doesn’t come out with the leaf, a new leaf will grow. It’s just a matter of time.
Weeding takes a certain kind of strength. So does supporting those trying to stop using substances. Like I mentioned above, it’s slow…it’s strong…it’s steady. When I would grab onto that oak leaf and give it a little tug, I could feel the acorn budge a little bit. Too strong and the stem would break. Too weak and I’d be there all day. If I stopped in the middle, well, might as well start over again. The momentum was lost for that tug. And then the satisfaction of seeing that acorn surface was my reminder, “Do that exact same thing, again.”

If you have a person who needs help digging out of substance use and you’re just not quite sure how to approach the process, join me in my next Substance Use Coaching Group. We’ll learn all about the leaf AND the acorn and what approach may be the most helpful — and the most effective — as we endeavor to love our friends and family well. We may even exchange some helpful gardening tips in the process 🙂

Written by Lauren Eisleben